I am not sure why the most interesting thoughts that pass through my brain come at night. Too often they come when I am tired and very worn out. While that is the case, I have started this new blog and I am going to use it! So, if this doesn't make sense I apologize. It's just the release of my heart.
The Lord has revealed a few things to me these past few days. He is always good when He does that. One of the things that I have been shown is how my life (i.e. places where I have lived, places I call "home", friends, ect.) and how I approach relationships are integrated into a huge operation. I don't really have a hometown. I have lived in 3 towns and none have been really any longer than the other. (7 years in Coats, 7 years in Wake Forest, and 6 years in Kingstree) Since I haven't stayed in one longer than another, I don't really know what to consider home. While Kingstree is where I was born, my connects to the area are very limited and are dying off as I speak. Wake Forest is where I "grew up". I spent my years in elementary school there, but like Kingstree I have no connection to Wake Forest. That leaves the town of Coats. Coats is where my parents are. Coats is also where I "go home" when I leave North Greenville on breaks and random weekend. While that is "home" for now, I am not sure I would consider it my hometown. For those from Coats, let me explain. I am a transplant to Coats from other places. I have not grown up in Coats, nor do I hold a great connection there outside of Coats Baptist where my dad serves on staff. I love the people and I love the town, but it isn't home. So, where is home? That I am not sure. I know what the scriptures say. I know that my citizenship is in Heaven. So, I cling to that. I cling to the fact that my home is with my Heavenly Father and that's it. While I LOVE all three towns (Coats more than the others), they aren't home. Don't ask me to explain it, it's just the way it is.
Another aspect of all of this is the fact that I don't really have any friends that I have known for life. There are very few people that I have been able to stay in contact with. The contact with people from Kingstree consist of "Happy Birthday!!" on Facebook or random Facebook messages throughout the year asking how they are doing. I have no connect to Wake Forest outside of being blessed with still a good relationship with Dr. Alvin Reid and his son Josh. I have seen Doc a few times in the past year or so. I still have connection to Coats. The Lord has blessed me with some great friends and people that are life family. People like the Dormans have blessed my life more than they know. While I do have connections there, since I have been to North Greenville, these connections have became strained. I know that there are people in Coats that I could call up in a heartbeat and they would be here for me, but at the same time things are different. I understand that leaving less than a week after graduation to go to West Virginia in 2007 didn't help the fact that I would leave for North Greenville after 4 days of coming home from West Virginia. I have just come to the grasp, that things change.
After understanding all of this, I understand how I now approach the Lord and my closest relationships. I approach the Lord as the only thing faithful and consistent in my life. I know that I will always have my family, but they have and will fail me The Lord had shown himself 'FAITHFUL' to me over and over again and He continues to remind me of that in ways that I could not even imagine. The second thing is how I approach relationships. I long for the consistency and security of relationships. Having not had many 'life long' friends, I find that I seek to makes those here at North Greenville. In relationships, of all kinds, I find myself seeking security and 'a sure thing'. I have learned that there isn't a 'sure thing' on earth. The only thing that is a 'sure thing' is the Lord and His' promises. Yes, there can be things on this earth that are 'sure things' when the Lord is in the middle; but only then.
Just some fat to chew on. Hope it's good.
love God. love people.
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